What exactly is "Severe manic depression?"

[gina164]

Billy,

I enjoyed reading your comments. Yes, the forum was 'interesting' in an 'odd way,' when there were more peeps here in contact with Dan, but now it is becoming more of a true fan-forum...a place for those who really just want to share about their love of his music/lyrics and artwork Actually, Dan is the guy you hear in the lyrics and see in the art - that's why I love his stuff - pure honesty - so, you don't really need to meet him in person to know him.

Well...
I am very glad to know that your wife and you have a good baby doc!
Sending my best to you both, and the wee little one on the way,

Gina

[Billy Castillo]

Well thanks! Made me sad that the stuff Jeff was selling is pulled, as I would've loved to get the baby t-shirt. Looked cute!

Another thing...that Sound Exchange that is now a Baja Fresh? My wife used to go there all the time the summer she went to UT. While watching the dvd, she about spit out her drink.."Hey..I've been IN there!" Another thing... her pet name for me is "Froggy"..and has a tattoo on her right shoulder of a frog( so I'll be with her always)...and she always used to talk about that frog mural!  Now we know where it originated. Too funny.

Some of the stuff on IMdB really has p*ssed me off...I post there as "fear2stop" and there are a few threads of me going off on people dissing Daniel. Some people can be really cruel.

[gina164]

VERY interesting about the frog of innocence having woven his way into your lives! 

Oh - IMdB - yes, some people seem to lurk on the net just to be cruel - gotta wonder what their diagnosis is - probably narcissistic personality disorder...

Anyway - just keep on letting YOUR voice be heard! It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes all good people to keep the arseholes at bay...

Gina

[Billy Castillo]

Oh - IMdB - yes, some people seem to lurk on the net just to be cruel - gotta wonder what their diagnosis is - probably narcissistic personality disorder...

I call it cancer of the soul myself. 

[headyrock]

It's interesting to see other people's takes on bipolar. I just recently saw 'the devil and daniel johnston' and it really put things into perspective for me. I was diagnosed manic depressive last march after taking off to boston and new york to spread a message of peace, unity and understanding, across the country and hopefully spark a revolution. I had delusions that the characters on tv were referring to me in everything that they said and that everyone thought I was gay. Eventually the thought occured that I was a messenger from god and must spread peace love and understanding. When I was out there I maxed out two credit cards spending money on trains, planes, busses and cab fare. Eventually, I came home hungry and tired from not having slept in 9 days and my parents put me into a mental hospital for two weeks. At first I started taking a new medication called Abilify that made me so antsy I couldn't sit still for even a minute. After that I tried a variety of different madications which made me a complete zombie and made me gain about 50 or so pounds. Today, I'm on Risperdal, which aside from inhibiting any inspiration to be creative as well as causing my sex drive to come to a complete halt makes me feel at least a little normal. I'm working on a book about my experience and although it's hard to remember a lot of what happened, it's coming along. It's a fiction based on my life about a kid who convinces people that he's the second coming of jesus and proceeds to change the world. Thank you all for your interesting insight into manic depression. I'm still coming to terms with it myself. Long live DJ 

[Billy Castillo]

Damn...after reading this, and with my own experience...I wish there was a better "fix" than these anti-depressants. It seems to me that the cure is as bad as the fix.

which aside from inhibiting any inspiration to be creative as well as causing my sex drive to come to a complete halt makes me feel at least a little normal.

Really?! So it *wasn't* just me then. I thought there was something wrong with me...

About the money spending...I notice with myself I have a hard time resisting making impulse purchases. Actually, "TD&DJ" was an impulse buy...and definitely one of my better ones!

[Lee34]

yeah I am jumping in on this post waaaaay late.

But oh well.

I am struggling through the mental healthcare system. I have competing labels. One camp of docs say depression, another camp says bipolar.

Everyone around me tells me I have a fad diagnosis, and I will make myself sick if I think I am sick.

My family has been ridiculously abusive towards me when I first had problems with self harming. I am not making this up. I am a real person, and I lived through this.

You didn't have problems in our family or you were beat. Of course that makes you more nuts when you already self harming and feeling like  you need a mental ward. Yet I lived through it.

I went into a depressed psychosis at age 22. Of course my family denies that it happened. I was 'depressed' but the doctors wanted to believe I had a bipolar 2, with a mixed episode. I was delusional. Thought I was psychic with special powers, and very ****ed up.

Then when I went out of the hospital my friends dumped my meds. I did not go back into psychosis (I guess I had a long enough treatment with a typical anti-psychotic, and normalcy, of some nature was restored). but they dumped my meds and told me I am not sick.

Then I was relatively normal for 7 years until I started self harming again, with some really depressing suicidal thoughts. And went into an agitated rage, suddenly quit my job, whilst spending ****load of money.

Then I struggled.

I am still struggling. My diagnosis went back to depression. One doc swore that there was no episode of bipolar. then I had a ridiculously bad time with anti-depressants.

Then my dx went back to bipolar, with a slice of ADHD now.

My friends tell me I'll go crazy if I go back to my doc. But I am already kinda crazy without them.

I had a grandmother who thought the IRA was after her and were speaking to her through the toaster. My family- mom and brother- just by witnessing how nuts and violent they can be, says something too.

I have a hard time trusting psychiatrists because on one end people say it will make me sick. Then my parents deny anything is wrong. Then on top of it doctors can be stupid.

So it makes it hard for me to trust, and take a pill.

Because my history is so complex and made incredibly difficult by bad parents, bad doctors, and uneducated friends- I'm amazed I've even lived this long.

Seriously.

The sad thing now is bipolar and ADHd are trendy diagnosis, and people are getting screwed who really have the disorder.

[OhJoy]

Get yourself a psychologist or a psychiatrist there's much more to it than taking a drug.
They could work with you in the diagnosis, and through a treatment program.

Your friends mean well  but you need to trust a professional.

Goodluck, I wish you well.

[billybob]

     Gina--your approach is exactly what daniel needs, i think.  he needs a full-time live-in cook and caretaker, and for that matter i'm afraid his parents are reaching the same state for themselves.  i feel like Bill is overwhelmed by his responsibilitiesof taking care of Mabel and Daniel.  the diet and exercise thing would help Daniel SO much, even if he still had to take some dosage of medicine.  it's sad to see him so sedentary, we used to walk all over Austin back in the '80s.  of course neither one of us had a car, but Daniel was very active and thought nothing about walking a couple miles or more every day.  of course, he was already self-medicating back then.  he would order iced tea at the burger place where i worked, because i stopped giving him soda, but then he would add sugar right past the saturation point, when it stopped dissolving.  at least he has been convinced to switch to fake sugar in his tea now, and diet mountain dew, which he consumes almost as voraciously as cigarettes.  and yes, he is extremely wilful, and i don't know what kind of caretaker he would need who could actually convince Daniel to change some of his bad habits.  it's all his Dad can do just to make sure Daniel takes his medicine every day.
     another habit of Daniel's that really scares me, and i observed this on Christmas Eve while we were watching a couple of '40s Frankenstein movies, is dozing off with a lit cigarette in his hand.  he was at least sitting in a fake-leather chair, but i was on the couch.  i woke him up and told him that if he kept doing that he was going to burn his house down, and that that's exactly how wife's grandmother died.
     i don't want to sound like i'm gossiping, but i can tell that the people on this site love and  really care about Daniel.  i don't know what the solution to this is, or even if there is one, but i really want him to stick around for a long time.  i've seen him at his highest, his lowest, and pretty much everywhere in between, and i'd say that mentally and emotionally he's in a good state right now, for this century at least.  but he is completely and utterly neglecting himself physically and it really makes me sad.  he halfway joked about getting an exercise bike the last time i was there.  i think he's reluctant to walk around because he was menaced by some local dogs once.  or maybe he's just lazy and using that as an excuse?  (and he likes it that way?)
     anyway, thanks for listening to me vent.  this has been on my mind for many years, and i think when his sister brings him up to Austin to see our version of Speeding Motorcycle, i will try to talk to her about it.  at least Daniel is now generating some real income, and the inevitable day is approaching where Bill will not be able to care for him.  i hope they have a good plan in place.
                                               cheers, bill

[Rob Wheeler]

Lee, I'm sorry to hear you are having a really tough time. It can be really rubbish when you re suffering from something that is making you miserable. I think if you spend some time will the right doctor (and it may take you a little while to find that right doctor) you have a very good chance to work your way through your problems. I can totally understand your stance on the medical profession and the pharmaceutical industry. i for one have argued for a very long time that most depression "medication" was pointless and did more harm than good.

However, if you are have  history of becoming delusional it seems indisputable that you need some one to one attention from someone who can figure out why your brain is triggering that sort of behavior and miscomprehension. I always question doctors that say "ahhh, this chemical in your brain is not functioning correctly" because the chemicals in your brain are to a great extent a reaction to the world around you. If you have been very unhappy with the world around you, and it seems you have, then maybe this contributes to your state of mind and the chemicals in it.

I really fee la lot of mental illness starts at school. If you are a good performer at school, it seems like you are forever guilt bound into a life of hard work and high performance even otherwise you are somehow letting yourself and everybody else down. I think a lot of people get depressed because they have a nagging feeling that they should be doing something, or just enjoying life more. I hear a lot about "deferred rewards" and really that should be more like "deferred life", and it never works because if you put yourself into a miserable situation for any amount of time, it will make you miserable and it will have a lasting impact.

That's my higgeldy piggeldy opinion anyway.

[Lee34]

Get yourself a psychologist or a psychiatrist there's much more to it than taking a drug.
They could work with you in the diagnosis, and through a treatment program.

Your friends mean well  but you need to trust a professional.

Goodluck, I wish you well.

I know my friends mean well, it's just to illustrate what a mess a diagnosis can be, and how confusing this is to me because who do you trust if no one seems right?

I have a psychiatrist that currently says I have ADHD and Bipolar2. I kind of think it's bull****. She just came out with diagnosing me when I hadn't even seen her in 3 months. The diagnosis was just a slap in the face. There was just no diagnostic rhyme or reason for her to land at that decision. She brought another doctor in the room and told them my diagnosis, not me.

She then began pushing me to take an anti-psychotic for anxiety (Risperidone- PRN) even though I said I wouldn't take it, and lithium and buspar- even though she said my bipolar condition was in remission- without medication.

She then kept trying to push for a regiment of mood stabilizers- and to try the drugs for at least 3 months, then keep going if one didn't work. She started me on topamax which didn't work within the first month. She had only given me a social phobia diagnosis but pushed all kinds of meds.

She seemed to give the bipolar diagnosis based on a somewhat positive reaction to topamax (though it is used for a few things, PTSD, migraines, but has negative trial results as a mood stabilizer for bipolar).

Then again I think she gave me the diagnosis based on me telling a doctor she gave me a mood stabilizer with a social phobia diagnosis only, and it almost seems she reverted back to my old diagnosis to cover her ass.

Seriously. My gut just feels something is wrong here.

So yep, off to another doctor I go.

On another note I've been lurking this site a little after seeing the movie "The Devil and Daniel Johnston." I'm just fascinated by the man. I'm not a huge fan of his music, but his life is fascinating. Alot of it almost doesn't seem real.

Rob Wheeler,

Thanks. Too many doctors jump to the chemical explanation for everything and it's lazy. Bipolar is a serious condition and I think it's being mis-used to describe anyone with mood swings. To me it's a disorder that could result in things like "community treatment orders" or being sectioned against your will. It's good if the person has the disease but terrible if the person isn't bipolar and is just getting treatment that doesn't quite fix any issues.

[Rob Wheeler]

The situation is so strange with doctors in the US. I remember a few years ago I noticed that the infamous Dr Landy, the man who "treated" Brian Wilson for many years and was eventually struck off from working in California and forcibly prevented from contacting him  by legal means, had quite legally set up practice in Hawaii. I don't know how you are supposed to have confidence in any of your practitioners if they could have potentially been struck off by every other state.

Having said that, find a doctor that seems receptive, tell them you situation, tell them what you want and after a little time you should come to a better arrangement.

Take it easy!

[gina164]

Hey, fellow forum members -

...was away for a few weeks, and so just caught up with this revived thread -


Bill - thanks for sharing about the same concerns for Dan, long-term...

---------------------------------------------------

Lee - hang in there... keep reading, both scientific info (to keep up with new meds/diagnoses/treatments),

and keep doing personal growth stuff...
-------------------------------------------------------

My 3 favorite personal growth books, of all-time, are (and, I've read most of 'em):

"How To Be An Adult,'
 AND "How To Be An Adult In Relationships," both by David Richo,

plus

"A New Earth," by Eckhart Tolle"

...all available in paperback, via amazon or libraries, via inter-library loan, if need be
...and all worth their weight in plutonium ;0
--------------------------------------

Best wishes,
Gina

[Lee34]

Thanks Gina,

talked to the doctor again about the complexity of my diagnosis. She thought bipolar but never saw it in me, after four months in her practice, so she changed her mind, and is treating me as a depressed person. Getting new treatment, and not going so much the medication route.

Initially we had thought about trying different mood stabilizers but I decided experimenting with what works might make me more screwed up.

I am getting cognitive behavioral therapy instead.

[madnell]

i often wonder how things might be different for dan
today had his therapy taken a more holistic route..
and i wonder if and how he could now be moved to
proceed in a.. more healthful.. direction.  god love him.