General Discussion => Fan Forums => Topic started by: entertainus on December 23, 2003, 01:06:02 PM

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on December 23, 2003, 01:06:02 PM
I sent Daniel an e-mail and it says they are printed out for him once a week usually. I sent it to him about a week and a half ago, and i'm waiting anxiously for a response. Have any of you ever done this :?:


Title: Daniel and fan mail
Post by: dejected on December 27, 2003, 12:18:26 AM

What you've got to understand up front is that Daniel is not a regular news-watching, paper-reading, internet-savy, computer-literate person.  He honestly doesn't know how to use a mouse!  

These things just don't "interest" him and he is immersed in his creativity.

He lives in a small (small!) town in Texas and rarely goes out - and when he does it is to build his comic book collection or make a trip to the record store.   He doesn't "follow" the popular / public music scene, but he's always listening to new bands and new sounds.  

He spends his days at home drawing and writing songs - recording constantly.   The only time he picks up a pen is to draw or write lyrics.  He doesn't type.   He is something of an eccentric and recluse.  (did I spell that right?).

I know he does get printed copies of all emails sent to him, and I've even seen him sit down and thoroughly enjoy reading them.  He gets CDs and tapes from people, and he listens to them all.

But to actually get him to write an answer or give comments about music sent to him is almost unheard of.

The best that might happen is that his brother asks him a question and his brother responds with Daniel's reply.  

But - who knows - he could respond - I don't know for sure - I'm just saying it would be a "rare" thing for him to write back - not because he doesn't care, but because he is just so focused on his creating that he doesn't stop for much else.

If you send email to dejected@rejectedunknown.com they can forward it to his brother for you.

If you do hear back from him, let us know, because that WOULD be interesting!!

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: Disfranchise on December 27, 2003, 07:01:15 AM

You seem to almost be a friend of Daniel. What's you connection to him?
It's all so mysterious.....

Happy New Year!


Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on December 27, 2003, 12:30:59 PM
Oh, i got the impression that he replied. Shucks. I know all that stuff about him living with his parents and not using a computer and that, but... even a thank you would be appreciated. Oh well, i still live him.


PS, Sorry about that other post, the "F---ING ANAL" one, i was upset.  :oops:

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: dejected on December 28, 2003, 12:51:51 AM

I did read your email to him (it was a good email!) and I'll try to find out if he read it.


Yeah, it is a mystery to us all!  Suffice it to say that I know the family.

Hey, what is "disfranchise" all about?  Where does that come from - or what meaning is attached to it?  Is it like "dejected"?!? or "rejected"?



Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: Disfranchise on December 28, 2003, 06:16:04 AM
I ment no harm I was just curious how you knew him.
Disfranchise means to deprive someone of a privilege.


Title: disfranchise and dejected
Post by: dejected on December 28, 2003, 11:44:06 PM

No offense taken at all...  I don't mean to be mysterious - "dejected" is used by whoever is handling rejectedunknown.com at the moment - and it corresponds to dejected@rejectedunknown.com - so the identity of "dejected" may change from time to time.   But whoever is handling it also tries to keep up with the message board.

When dejected is "me", I am a relative getting involved to help Daniel's future.  And he needs all the help he can get!   There are at least half a dozen volunteers (some relatives) involved in different ways trying to build his career and future.  It is ALSO trying to off-load the responsibilities from Daniel's father - who is 81 years old and needs a break!

And, as it turns out - Daniel called tonight - excited about the NYC trip in April - apparently two shows in NYC and maybe one in Boston.  He lives by his own schedule and timetable, so one may sometimes get a call in the middle of the night from him.


Title: Will he ever reply
Post by: dejected on January 30, 2004, 02:43:29 AM

Stand by, a reply is in the works!!!  (if it's not obvious, he doesn't have internet access and can't even us a mouse - but a reply is forthcoming)


Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on January 31, 2004, 09:47:09 PM
REALLY! Wow! I'm excited! How is it coming? Email? Mail?
Sorry, i'm just really really excited. This is great!

Thank you so much,

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on January 31, 2004, 10:30:10 PM
It will really be Daniel writing me, right? Not some... imposter!

Title: entertainus
Post by: Anonymous on February 01, 2004, 01:14:29 AM
 How old are you? It has been made clear that Daniel has no access to a computer! This is a forum for fans by fans, not Daniels personal hotline to his fans!!

Title: It will be mailed.
Post by: dejected on February 01, 2004, 02:25:17 AM

I've never known Daniel to write to anyone - in the days that he did "correspond" with his best friend David Thornberry, what he did was mail cassette tapes to him!!   Some of them are around still, and being sold on the "underground" market .

Daniel does get all the fan mail printed out - which is anyhwere from two a week to fifteen a week - so for someone who doesn't write, you can be sure he won't respond to the mail.

But you wrote a particularly long and noteworthy letter (I remember it) and Daniel remembered it - so this weekend I intend ("try!") to get a comment from him and pass that along to you.  (it will be mailed)

It probably won't be much, but like I said, the letter was one that deserves a response.

Now I've got a out-of-place comment for you.   I see the positive in the phrase "I'd rather be hated for what I am than liked for what I am not" - it places honesty above seeking approval.   But there is an equivalent weakness in the line - do you see what that is?


Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 01, 2004, 10:04:54 AM
Wow, thank you so much. If it's like autographed, or if it's all in his handwriting, or if it's just his words printed on a piece of paper, i wouldn't care. I'm going to probably frame this on my wall and cherish it and brag about it to my friends every day. Especially if it's autographed  :wink:  :wink:  :wink:  :wink:
That would make me a very happy customer, and i will definitly be buying more shirts and CDs.

I can't thank you enough,

Title: Re: entertainus
Post by: entertainus on February 01, 2004, 10:08:14 AM
Quote from: Anonymous
 How old are you? It has been made clear that Daniel has no access to a computer! This is a forum for fans by fans, not Daniels personal hotline to his fans!!

i'm 14 years old. And i know it isn't daniel anyone's talking to on her, but dejected is his... relative or friend? Someone who talks to daniel, and I'm very greatful to him that he is doing this for me.

Oh, and sorry Dejected, I thought about my signature thing a lot, and i can't figure out what you're trying to say...

Title: What is the concensus on age for not being stupid?
Post by: dejected on February 04, 2004, 04:34:45 PM
Okay - let's get a consensus: At what age can you stop calling yourself "stupid"?    Let's start with "what age did YOU get into Daniel Johnston?"   And were you stupid before, during, or after that period?

Wasn't Chris Robinson 14 when he did a cover of a Daniel song for the Seth Graves tributue?   Chris?  Are you out there?  Can you confirm?

Just food for thought.  

I get an image of someone who is always around older kids  telling him to "shutup" because he's just a "stupid teenager"

I can also see this kid calling himself a stupid teenage when he's 30 - he might need to be nudged out of that self-abasing image.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 04, 2004, 04:47:59 PM
I get it a lot that I"m just a "stupid teen" and I'll i'm here for is to make trouble. No one really takes me seriously or cares for my opinion and I really hate it. What do you mean by this whole "stupid" thing though?

Title: The question
Post by: dejected on February 04, 2004, 06:17:42 PM
The question was for everyone except you, but also to tell you that you don't have to call yourself stupid (or shouldn't have to).

If you're around people who say that to you - forget them!!   (don't hate THEM for being stupid, just stay away from that - no one needs that).

We have all "felt" like a stupid teenager at some point in our lives.  But eventually you should feel comfortable that MOST NORMAL people have felt that way at some point.  Then you can identify yourself with the crowd instead of feeling like some outsider that doesn't belong.

Another point was that there are PLENTY of 14 year olds out there who are fans just like you - so you're not "too young".

Why do we all love Daniel?  Because he EXPOSES that weak, uncertain side of himself, and we all RELATE to that.  And we know he is BRAVE for being so honest about it.   In that sense you are BRAVE for shouting out what you think or feel here.

If it makes you feel more comfortable to say you're "just a stupid teenager", well, okay.  But I'm just saying that you shouldn't have to.   Like the corny thing some elementary teacher might say "there's no such thing as a stupid question."   You should be able to say what you want on this board.

Okay - aren't we getting philosophical here!   Just to define what IS stupid, stupid is when someone is unfair and demeaning.   Stupid is when they FORGET that they are flawed too.   When someone puts others DOWN for what they are (or where they are in their growth) or for the very things that they do or have done themselves.  That's stupid.  

For an example of that go read the "Ray Pickens" conversations elsewhere on this board.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 04, 2004, 07:06:05 PM
Good point. It also really disappoints me when people say things like, "Don't be such a fag" or "Don't be such a Jew". I'm not homosexual or jewish, i just don't see why that can be used as an insult! It's horrible that people still are mean enough to think that it's a bad thing to be jewish, or japanese, or anything. It's just what everything tells them; their parents, the movies, pretty much just society in general. I think that if people were just... overall nicer, the world would be a lot better place. I get made fun of for my clothes, for my music, for my hair, and just for being me. If people could just accept that everyone's different, there would hardly be as many problems.
I love daniel because his music actually teaches you something. Most of the modern rock nowadays is just like, "I hate you! I don't like society! I like to do drugs!".
Daniel Johnston:
"... he over flows with the gold of sincere friendliness. And gets in return a self-satisfaction, and influence, and a power with people that all the money in the mint could not buy. He does not wait to see if people like him, Fred assumes they do like him, that is one of this secrets..."
See? It can teach you something... it has helped me!
Now look at Linkin Park:
"...Shut up when I'm talking to you, shut up, shut up, shut up. I'm about to break..."
They mostly just talk about their own little problems and complain. I love daniel.

Title: Follow Your Bliss!
Post by: Henry Long on February 04, 2004, 08:46:13 PM
Hey Entertainus-
Your post made me want to send out a few personal thoughts...

First, screw the kids givin you crap for expressing yourself as you see best,  be it clothes, hair, music, what you like to eat, whatever. That **** gets nobody anywhere, no matter how old you are.

Second, the best reason in the world for liking anything is because you do. Somethings require no explanation, and even less demand a defense. You like what you do just cuz you do. Good enough.

It occurs to me that at 14 (way back in the old days of 1977!!!), I was sitting in my bedroom everynight, reading comic books, writing poems (aweful ones), listening to my records and 8 tracks (Alice Cooper, Beatles, Zappa, Cat Stevens) and drawing constantly. I was over 6 feet tall, totally unathletic, and all I cared about at school was getting home to hang out in my room. New kid at the Public School (escaped from Catholic Prison), you can just imagine how popular I was. (Ack!).

Anyway, in time, it all came together. I've been creating art in various forms since that summer when I had my first show at some hippie place called "The Expanding Universe" (I kid you not), have taught upper level classes at the same college I graduated from in '84 with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Painting, have just published my 9th chapbook of poetry, having an opening of 17 of my most recent paintings and drawings this Friday at a really cool gallery (sold a piece tonight for 800 bucks!), blah blah blah, toot-toot, blah. You get the idea...
All I'm saying (and I apologize sincerely to the Fan Forum for my Pickensian moments back there) is what Joseph Campbell (who's writings I cannot recommend highly enough) always told his students:


Find that thing that makes you the happiest, and do it as much as you can.

At 41 years of age, I still can't wait to get home to my room, put some  music on, (of late it's been SMOG, Wil Oldham, T-Rex, Daniel...) and create something wonderful. Whatever anybody else "thinks" doesn't even enter into the picture. Believe me.

So, uh, yeah.
Hang in there.
Daniel Johnston's awesome.
Long Live Rock-n-Roll.


Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 04, 2004, 08:55:08 PM
I'm with you 100% dude. I do everything I do because I feel it is best for me, and it is what I like to do. If I'm happy with it, i don't see why anyone else has a problem. It's not like it can hurt them in any way. And with my future, i have no idea where it's going to lead to, I'm hoping something artistic, or even just anything that i will have fun with and be happy with. I will try to get as fart with playing music as I can, and as long as I play music that I like and if I think it's good and I enjoy listening to it, then I don't care how many other people buy my cds or listen to my  music, as long as I'm happy with it and think it's good, it doesn't matter. (I don't think i'm going to get too far with this attitude, but who cares!?)

Title: stupid to be or not to be
Post by: wickedwill on February 07, 2004, 06:01:36 PM
entertainus or joey,
just be yourself! stupid is trying to be something your not instead of yourself. im sure when daniel was starting to hand out his cassettes back in the day alot of folks thought, who is this weird little guy handing out this stupid music and gave it no more thought and look at all the beauty of great song they missed out on! we all know daniel is not full of social grace and has done alot of things that would appear stupid to alot of folks, but he stood his ground and did his own thing against the odds and they were against him but he prevailed. to hell with the naysayers be yourself and be true to yourself and you cant go wrong. 14 is a tough age but its also a magical time in your life that you will never get back,and will one day miss and look back on with good memories trust me. most of the cats who use this forum i am sure will agree with what i say. so dont let the fact somebody calls you stupid or slags you bother you. you seem smart for a 14 year old who knows these jerks may one day work for you!!! :lol:

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 07, 2004, 06:33:51 PM
Yeah, i know all of that good stuff about being who are you are. I do everything to build my character. To show people who I am, not who they'd like me to be. One of my favorite quotes is by Kurt Cobain (it's my signature). I also know that these next few years are going to be hard years, as well as ones that are the funnest of my life. I've been trying my hardest to appreciate and take advantage of being 14, but can anyone older tell me what they would have liked to do more of/less of during their teenage years? I feel like i really need guiding right now in my life, but since my parents just got divorced and I'm living with my mom, and I've been losing most of my friends lately, and i'm not religious or spiritual in any way, I don't really have anyone to talk to about things. I know I could always talk to my mom about it, and I do sometimes, but it's hard to talk to someone so close to you about your problems. I don't know what it is, but I usually go to music for healing or stress relieving. It doesn't bother me so much when other kids make fun of me, I just don't understand why they do it.

Title: why?
Post by: wickedwill on February 08, 2004, 01:23:35 PM
 the reason kids pick on other kids is a question we will never know. could be they have low self esteem or a bad home life. but dont let it get you down they do it mostly cause they themselves are miserable. i was a odd kid who didnt like sports or most of thre things my peers liked. and being big guy and pretty quick with my fist (which i dont recommend) alot of the kids treated me well so i didnt get picked on alot but i saw alot of it going on and i was the first in line to defend the one being picked on.14 is a awkward age but it will get better trust me. you are not a nerd or a sissy or fag or whatever it is they call you you are a individual with great potential and thats all you could ever want and its much better then being a sheep and following the herd!!! keep talking to your mom about things there is nothing on this earth that is as strong as the love a mother has for here child.she may not understand where you are coming from but she will listen and give you advice............hell im 32 years old and still ask my mom for advice.............dont give up and follow the flock because its the easiest thing to do.....stay true to yourself.........and you will find your place in life

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 08, 2004, 01:29:02 PM
Thanks Wickedwill

I have one question... Is there anything you wish you would have done more of/less of when you were 14? Anything that you wish you would have done differently? I'm the type of person who follows the fact that there is always room to improve in your life.

Title: More of/less of
Post by: Henry Long on February 08, 2004, 02:18:11 PM
I second what Wickedwill has to say about Mom. (And Dad, if there is one)
One of the blessings in my life is a Mom who is still alive and loving, and who I talk with every day. I regret the years spent not treasuring what time I could with my parents. But when you're a teenager, they are the biggest idiots in the world.
In your 20's, they are well-meaning but stuck in their old ways and just dont get anything. In your 30's, if you are lucky, they are still around and you go, "Oh, my folks did the best they could, I guess," blame them for all your problems, and leave it at that. And in your 40's you finally "get" what they were all about, and you can't tell them to their face how much you loved them because they are gone forever.


As for the More-of/Less-of things I wish I'd done at 14?

Reading anything and everything.
Leaving my room once in awhile and having fun.
Trusting my parents.
Seeking out others my age with my interests.
Holding onto the things that meant alot to me at the time
(toys, records, books, Star Wars action figures, etc)
Enjoying being 14 with the whole world ahead of me.


That's the big one, really. I work on that one still everyday. Stops you from trying. Stops you from changing. Gets in the way of every new experience. Limits your relationship with others, especially the opposite sex.
Worry, Guilt, Self-Loathing, Health problems... all come outta Fear.
Get rid of the fear, (and desire, but that's another story) and you got what alot of people dont have. Balance.

That's my 2 cents.
One more thing, if I may? If you are going to really believe in something, make it yourself. I know it is a cliche, but it's true. Everything else comes up short eventually, but deep down, somehow, we all know what is best for us. The hard part is listening to that voice. Once you have faith in your SELF, the sky's the limit.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 08, 2004, 02:58:48 PM
Thanks for everything you guys are telling me, I'm going to listen to you and talk to my mom more (my dad divorced my mom).

But anyways, dejected.... did you ever get to talk to Daniel?!?!?!?!?!?  :D

Title: Yes
Post by: dejected on February 08, 2004, 04:30:17 PM

Yes - he's not much of a writer, but he took the printed copy of your email and responded with a few lines.   I included an autographed photo and mailed it this last week.

I guess I do think that Daniel's "message(s)" are good ones for you, like "Don't Be Scared", and even "Fear Yourself" etc.  (You can be your worst enemy!)    Hey, that would be fun to string together a bunch of his lyrics or song titles into a co-hesive message.

Oh - here's the "flaw" I saw in that quote:  Once you decide to be "honest" (to others and yourself), there another decision that is excluided from that quote, and it is probably MORE important:  to be selfish and evil (but honest about it!) or compassionate and caring.  

Most people who decide to be "honest" are also deciding to "screw everyone else" and do what they want no matter what the effect on others.   Or they deny that they are "resonsible" for the effect they have on others.

Anyway, there is no end to the decision-making in life, but there really is a major decision to be made in your years:  "Luke, don't underestimate the power of the dark side!".    

So how do you take persecution and not "hate" back- that's a tough one - it's a decision down deep in your soul that CHOOSES not to let your innerds collect anger and hurt.  But I concur with the "mom" thing above - don't overlook that - be willing to tell her "I love you" ALL the time, etc.!   Those words coming out of your mouth CHANGE you on the inside.

You know what?  Here is a practical test:  If you cannot say those words to your mom in front of your friends without embarrasment or fear or being thought "less of", you may have the wrong friends.

At some point you're going to have to fogive your dad - even if only to yourself and even if he doesn't care one way or the other - just so YOU can go on with life in freedom , and not tied down with the baggage of resentment and hurt.

It is "easier" to hang on to those feelings in the short term - they are a form of "comfort" to us like "nobody understands me" and "woe is me", etc.   But hanging on to them hurts us in the long run.

On the other hand, it is hard to let those feelings go now, but it will be better in the long run.

Sorry, if I'm preachy, but I do belieive in "good" and "evil" as two opposing forces.  Choose sides wisely.


"Love Defined"

Love is patient and kind
Love is not jealous or boastful
It is not arrogant or rude
Love does not insist on its own way
It is not irritable or resentful
It does not rejoice at wrong
But rejoices in the right
Love bears all things
Believes all things
Hopes all things
Endures all things
Love never ends.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 08, 2004, 06:08:57 PM
Thank you, Dejected, for the advice and for the letter & signed photo! Thank all of you for the advice and guidance, i really appreciate it.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 09, 2004, 04:28:06 PM
It came today! It wasn't much, but it was definitly enough! Thank you very much dejected. Thanks a lot.


Title: entertainus
Post by: wickedwill on February 09, 2004, 08:02:21 PM
 what would i do more or less of.......well henry summed it up pretty good perhaps better then i can.  you are a 14 year old and maybe you should concentrate on just being a 14 year old and not put so much thought into it and just go with the flow. but this is a STONE COLD HARD FACT when you get out in the real world of paying bills, putting food in your kids mouth, putting a roof over your head etc.. NOBODY and i mean NOBODY will do it for you!! so you must put alot of faith in yourself and EDUCATE yourself, take your school serious and consider college. it sucks living hand to mouth. education is the key to life. being witty or writing great songs or painting a beautiful picture most of the time will not put food on the table or clothes on your back. when your in the real world providing for yourself its just you and thats all, and its a fact. i am almost certin if daniels family and friends/fans had not stepped in at various points in his life he would not be making music and art. he would have been so taken advantage of that he would have lost all joy in making his art, if not dead. he was fortunate and alot of folks are not. forum members do you agree with that statement or not??? so joey take your schooling serious and strive to get more knowledge but be a kid and do kid things and have fun.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: wickedwill on February 09, 2004, 08:19:52 PM
oh yeah and what henry said about parents and how you will feel about them in various stages of your life are words that are worthy of a pulitzer or something well said henry :D

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 10, 2004, 05:14:23 AM
Well, school isn't really my thing... My plans are, after high school, go to Seattle with my friend Matt, and we're going to see what we can do with our band, and then if that does nothing, i'll probably go to a tech. college and then find some kind of job, and start from there. We're probably going to be pretty big bums, but it'll be okay.
The problem with having fun and being a kid for me is that I have no one to have fun with. I know i can have fun just by myself, but it's better to have someone. All my friends either ditched me or i ditched them because they didn't like me and i didn't like them. I do wish i were a little kid again so i didn't have responsibilities and i wouldn't need to do anything, but, i'm 14.

Title: entertainus
Post by: Anonymous on February 10, 2004, 10:05:45 AM
If education is not your thing all you need to remember is these words and you will get by in life just fine. Remember to ask if they want to supersize thier meal and if they want salt,pepper and ketchup. Good Luck!!

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 10, 2004, 03:12:49 PM
A lot of people that don't go to college are actually very successful...

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: Anonymous on February 10, 2004, 04:10:55 PM
Yes true alot of people who avoid college are successful. But most are just struggling to get by. Working at burgerking is not so bad alot of folks probley drive off and leave the food behind, just like that your grocery bill is solved. Why aim high? Just aim for the golden arches.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: Disfranchise on February 10, 2004, 04:54:29 PM
But most people don't have talent and dream of well paid ordinary jobs.
If you've got talent and heart then go for it. Let nothing stop you. There are too many people without talent and heart that make it.
It's these people that should be serving us hamburgers and hot dogs.
Perhaps I'm too much of an idealist but there ARE people who get by living on their art. Life is too short and too boring to care about anything but love and happiness. These things will get you through anything IF you really believe and feel it (which may be harder than you think). If you find and seek the things that makes you happy, then you've got a life worth living, a REAL life. If you are really happy, then you are not afraid and if you're not afraid you can do anything.


Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: wickedwill on February 10, 2004, 05:57:16 PM
good point disfranchise!!! the point i was making was in the good old united states the general mentality is eat or be eaten. there are folks who who care but for everyone with a kind heart there is 1000 of them with a unkind heart who is willing to piss all over you just to get ahead. and yes follow your dream 100% but educate yourself 110% is the point i want entetainus especially to see.

Title: would you do it over again?
Post by: Henry Long on February 10, 2004, 08:32:53 PM
Thanks for the compliment, wickedwill.
I was just summing up my own experiences with the ages/attitude thing, but I guess the more personal the statement, the more universal the truth. Or something along those lines.

This thread has been facinating for a number of reasons.
I think one of the more interesting motivations, in terms of our responses to entertainus, has been the idea of being 14 again!

Which one of us honestly wouldn't want to go back, with all that we know now (all that crap we had to go through in order to get wherever the hell we are) and live it over again, even for just a moment?!

It's a curious fantasy, but I must admit, it's as much appealling as it is revolting.

(Jeez. Just the thought of having to take gym class all over again is enough to make me violently ill...)

(Then again, I can think of more than a few instances I'd like to do-over!)

(At least I know I'd look at Miss Yanus, our 9th grade English student- teacher, a little differently...hmmmm...)


Hey! Countdown to Gammon Tribute Press release!!! Yay!

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 10, 2004, 08:53:38 PM
I need advice... again.

I know this is just a typical thing to happen to a 14 year old, to get into a little squabble with friends. But here's what's been depressing me for the past week or so:

My best friend, (matt) and i met this nice girl named shalane. We all became friends, and then about 2 months ago, matt fell in love with shalane. Well... a high school crush, but a big one. He writes her name on his jeans and probably writes love poems at home. And it all sickens me! I can't stand to see my only two friends in love. Matt is always blowing me off for her, and i honestly haven't talked to him in about 4 days. One of the only things I thought i would have as long as i live, matt, is now drifting away from me. I don't know if it's intentional or not, but either way I don't know what to do.

I have tried everything, but now it's down to this: Yesterday and today at school, I have avoided him and not talked to anyone (matt or shalane), I am hoping that Matt will realize that if he stays in love with shalane, i'm not going to be able to live with him. But I've been thinking about what Daniel wrote to me: "Do what's right". I don't think the "silent treatment" is the right thing to do. THis is a very big and complicated situation, and it would take two months to type everything that's been happening with matt, but I just want to know what I should do that would be right.
I just want you to take into consideration that I cannot stand matt, whether we're with shalane or not, since he's in love with her. I know that even if we're in town having fun and stuff, he's still thinking about her, and wishing i were gone and she were there. So just trying to live with it, and let him do what he wants isn't a good choice, ive been trying it for about 2 months, and i've been miserable.

Title: The Simpsons
Post by: dejected on February 11, 2004, 12:49:05 AM
What a coincidence!

This same thing happened on the Simpsons today (probably a re-run)  Milhouse fell in love with this girl and Bart couldn't stand it, and well, they made a whole episode out of that.

So if it's on the Simpsons, (does this follow logically?) it means it must be a "common experience" for a lot of people.

Well, at the point YOU "fall in love" or go google-eyed over some girl, the tables will be turned!   So be a FRIEND at ALL TIMES.  Give him some space - he'll still be your friend.   Do not "react" to the feeling of being neglected by your friend.   That is the green monster "jealousy".  That is a "primal" and normal reaction, but here's where you show maturaty and that gosh awful geeky sounding thing called "empathy" or "understanding" or "compassion".   What is happening to your friend is real and normal and should be expected.  Be HAPPY for him, not selfish about it.

In the Simpsons, Bart works so hard to DESTROY this new relationship of Milhouse that he was playing the role of Milhouses worse enemy!!!   Sad for a friend to think that is "being a friend".

The road of resentment and envy and fleeting loyalties is a dead end and you will find yourself very alone and no where to turn.

If you find others to be fickle in their loyalty, that is a MESSAGE to you that says  "be loyal to my friends and not fickle LIKE them".    The only reason you might become fickle yourself is a form of vindictiveness or spitefulness.   Be a friend to your friends at all times, not just when they do what you want.

THEN You will ALWAYS have many friends in your life since the friendships don't "end" as an enemy.  You'lll just move from firend to new friend and be accumulating lots of friends.  

But if you destroy one friendship because it doesn't go "your way" before you move on, you never have more than one friend at a time, and even that would be more of a parasite relationship.   Love em until you can't feed off them any more?   That's an ugly picture.

Think ahead - 14 is an age of ALL these critical decisions of "what kind of person you I become?"   Choose wisely!

Okay, one more preachy statement:  Do not gauge how good a friend YOU will be based on the WORST of what others may do.   If you do, you will end up being exactly like your worse enemy, and at that point of course, you are your "own worst enemy".


All, right, I surrender the pulpit to the next guy...


Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: wickedwill on February 11, 2004, 04:04:40 PM
be happy for your friend! he digs a girl and for a young man that can be all consuming. when i was 14 anything with tits and a pulse was mindblowing. wouldnt you feel bad if he did the same by not talking to you if the shoe was on the other foot? at 14 i doubt it has blossomed into true love. matt may think it is but trust me it aint. i mean 14 is such a beautifully awkward age. joey do not take this wrong please but you said this was a big complicated situation but i dont think its as big as it seems.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 11, 2004, 04:10:31 PM
Well with Matt and Shalane being my only two friends, and matt always making plan with her, I'm left alone all the time now. And I know he only wants her so he can get into her pants.
And I know matt's plan now, what he's doing is he threw me in "his basement" and then just before i start to forget about him and leave him, he comes down and says Hi, or asks if i want to hang out, so that i don't leave him completely. So I'm completely miserable except for once every two weeks or so, matt feels bad so he asks me to hang out again, and then he's back to shalane for two more weeks. I honestly haven't talked to my best friend in 5 days.

I don't care, I'm finding new friends, he doesn't care about how i feel.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: Disfranchise on February 11, 2004, 05:34:51 PM
I know exactly how you feel. My best friend found new friends when we chose different schools. I havn't talked to him for like 8 months. I always phoned him but tested if we still would keep in touch if I didn't call him and wanted to see if he would phone me. Well, as it turned out we lost touch.
Having read you posts I realize I have to try and get in touch with him again. There will always be times when there is something inbetween.
Don't let go, don't let go. Don't be a pain in the ass just let him know you're there. When love strikes you then hope he'll do the same for you.



Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 11, 2004, 05:38:31 PM
Well when i fall in love, it won't be with his only other friend, and I won't neglect him or push him away as he has to me.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 13, 2004, 08:11:36 PM
Great, i just found out that Shalane has been sending Matt all of my emails I send her. I think i'm finding new friends now, i can't take any more of it. I don't think there's any way i can fix it... i can't trust either of them, they don't want to hang out with me, i don't even classify them as friends. I'm done with them.

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: Anonymous on February 13, 2004, 09:26:54 PM

Title: You've got them, too!
Post by: dejected on February 14, 2004, 08:52:35 PM

Title: Will he ever reply?
Post by: entertainus on February 15, 2004, 08:01:43 AM
Hello. I just wanted you all to  know that last night there was a school dance, and there was a whole big ordeal (i won't bore you with details). But I could have done two things: 1. Gotten really pissed off and offended and tried to not talk to my friends ever again. Or 2. Just let it go as it is, not complain much, and just "do the right thing". I took daniel's advice he gave me and i did the right thing. It actually worked out last night pretty well. I would rather have spent the whole night halfway miserable but not have complained and yelled, than getting pissed and yelling and threatening them. I just wanted you to know that "doing the right thing" is a smart idea.