a miracle

[back from the dead]

it's a miracle!  i'm alive!  swallowed enough valium and alcohol to kill a horse, and i'm still alive!  praise the lord!  amen!  i say...AMEN!  I CAN'T HEAR YOU...I......SAY.........AAAAAAAAMEN!!!  AMEN BROTHER!!!!!  maybe i'm really dead and don't know it yet.  hmm.

[wickedwill]

talk about a lousy weekend

[Mindwalk]

".... i had a dream about a man, who was senteced to death, for trying to commit suicide...."

This is the Daniel Johnston Style of Black Humour....


Just to put some more black humour (please, dont get me wrong!):

Professional tips....
Take a large amount of pills and alcohol, mix with some poison (that one used to kill rats)..then go to the top of the highest building available....be sure to carry a loaded gun....and a rope

Hang yourself tightly......Put then gun inside your mouth.......then jump.....then shoot.....
If that doenst work, pills and poison will do the rest......
if that doesnt work, well, post here and i´ll go to your house and get it done right!

PS
Thanks God you´re a loser, even when trying to kill yourself......and did it all wrong.....
I just hope you´ll never become a "pro" at it!!!!!

[wickedwill]

the last 3 applicants for a top notch American goverment security job is 2 men and 1 women, when told the last test will be to take a revolver into a room where thier spouse is waiting, kill thier spouse and the job is thiers
- the first guy immediately breaks out in tears and says i love my wife shes my soul mate sorry i cant do it and leaves
- the second guy takes a deep breath and enters the room only to emerge 10 minutes later saying i cant do it shes the mother of my children
- the women walks in the room all of a sudden six shots ring out only to be followed by a sound of wood breaking and a scuffle the women emerges covered in sweat and blood and says the damn gun was filled with blanks so i beat his ass to death with the chair!!!

[drewjoh]

lol

[danaisgone]

wicked well! my new favorite joke!

good one, reall good one.

[Henry Long]

One evening a man was eating peanuts by throwing them in the air and catching them in his mouth. As he threw one in the air, his wife asked him a question. When the man turned his head, the peanut fell in his ear. He tried to get it out, but his fingers were to big. His wife tried to get the peanut out with a pair of tweezers, but just pushed it in farther. They finally decided to go to the hospital.
As they were about to leave, their daughter and her date came home. They told them their situation and their daughters date said he could get it out for him. The daughters date put his two fingers in her fathers nose and told him to blow real hard. It worked and the peanut fell out. The daughter and her date went up stairs and the man and his wife talked about how smart the boy was in coming up with that idea.
The man's wife asked, "I wonder what he's going to be when he grows up."
The man says, "From the smell of his fingers, he's going to be our son-in-law."

Thanx to the Hun's Yellow Pages for that one.
-Henry

[Henry Long]

One evening a man was eating peanuts by throwing them in the air and catching them in his mouth. As he threw one in the air, his wife asked him a question. When the man turned his head, the peanut fell in his ear. He tried to get it out, but his fingers were to big. His wife tried to get the peanut out with a pair of tweezers, but just pushed it in farther. They finally decided to go to the hospital.
As they were about to leave, their daughter and her date came home. They told them their situation and their daughters date said he could get it out for him. The daughters date put his two fingers in her fathers nose and told him to blow real hard. It worked and the peanut fell out. The daughter and her date went up stairs and the man and his wife talked about how smart the boy was in coming up with that idea.
The man's wife asked, "I wonder what he's going to be when he grows up."
The man says, "From the smell of his fingers, he's going to be our son-in-law."

Thanx to the Hun's Yellow Pages for that one.
-Henry

[wickedwill]

  hahaha smelly fingers rock  

[wickedwill]

DUMBASS ALERT